My baby is gone...

Kanon woke up in tears an hour after bed time. I wasn't sure what he needed, but after a few minutes of tears I could tell he wasn't going to settle back down to sleep. 

I walked in to a VERY upset little boy and was just sure that this was going to be "one of those times" when nothing I try is going to work and I'd be fighting for hours to get him back down. 

Much to my surprise, the second I picked him up, he immediately started falling back to sleep. He kept opening his eyes and was a little scared each time as he finished out his tears, but then he would look right into my eyes and instantly relax again. 

It was such a good mommy moment to feel like I was exactly what, and absolutely everything that he needed right then.

As I was enjoying that feeling and looking at his sweet little face I realized that my baby is gone :( I swear that just since I laid him down for bed just 2 hours ago that his face has changed, he has grown up, and I am holding a little boy in my arms. 

Time is going too fast and I can't do a thing about it. I can't even express how grateful I am to be home with my children to capture and remember these little moments. 

I may be losing my baby boy one day at a time, but I am one lucky Mamma to be able to be here to watch it all happen and enjoy the journey with my boys. 

7 years

Can't believe it's been 7 years since the night this handsome guy asked me to marry him. SO much has happened since then, and I am grateful every day for the things I get to learn from being married to him. I wish I was a better wife who didn't give him so much to put up with, but I will love him forever and I am so glad I said yes that night!!

This is today...

There are about a billion other blog posts that should come before this about what's been happening in our lives lately... But I decided instead of waiting until I can chronologically document our days so that it's all nice and orderly (as if there is actually any order to our days while they are haphazardly happening) I just had to post today. 

We hosted Trey's preschool Christmas party at our house and it was a lot of fun. I had 6 adorable reindeer running around! So... Even though there are an endless number of other posts I should have done before and haven't had time... This is today... And I don't want to forget this innocent little adorable 3 year old Rudolph or his nearly 1 year old side kick... Today. 

We started off the morning with a text from Granni to enjoy the sunrise with her... So we sat by the glass door and watched it together :)

Someday

Today was a great day. It is my 26th birthday, and it was filled with fun, food, family, and lots of love from the 3 most important boys in my life.

The little guys were so good today compared to some days, and things went pretty smooth all day which is always a blessing in itself. A friend posted this on Facebook and I can 100% relate. 

http://m.deseretnews.com/article/765602104/Dear-sweet-mom-who-feels-like-shes-failing.html?pg=all?ref=http%3A%2F%2Fm.facebook.com#MiCKuTpR42OVpsJS.01

I'm posting it today because I'm going to need it again someday, heck maybe even by tomorrow. I have been battling these exact feelings myself for months and months and most of the times... The feelings win. So on days like today I just count my extra blessings that we survived a day without an internal "I'm a terrible Mom" battle.  

I know I'll be grateful for an awesome perspective to reflect on on and read again on those days I need it. No matter what comes... I can do this.

Puddle jumping

I'm not going to lie... Treyson and I have been at wits ends with each other at least once a day for the past while. We have had some pretty major melt downs on both our parts from time to time, and I have been hoping to find a way to work through it. He is such a sweet little boy who just tends to share his FULL range of emotions with me :) so when I see the not so sweet reactions coming from him it just about breaks my heart. I start questioning and wondering about everything I do as his mother. I work to much, I give to much attention to his baby brother and not enough to him, I am more often than not getting after him for just being a 3 year old boy. So amid all that we have had quite the range of emotions swirling around here lately.

So today I brought the boys home after work from Granni's house, Treyson asks me if he can jump in the puddle from today's storm... I say sure! And the turn to take the baby inside. 

Then I stop myself and decide to take just a moment to watch my sweet boy  enjoy one of the simplest yet best things you could ever ask for as a 3 year old, dragon jacket, super hero undies, rain boot wearing little boy. 

As I sat there for close to 30 minutes and watched, laughed, recorded, and snapped pictures of him, I remembered that this is what it's really all about. It's the simple things like a fresh puddle to jump in, or the beautiful clouds in the sky, or not worrying that you are still wearing your work clothes, but are getting covered in mud while you take the time to make a memory with your child, that make our days worth while.

The years will continue to fly by faster than I can even imagine, and I hope and pray that the rough days will fade and that we will be able to instead remember the days that we made memories together. 

After muddy socks, a lost boot, soaking wet jeans, and lots of giggles... Trey ran over to me, leaned down and gave me a big hug and said "I love you Mom. We're best fwends togeder." Not only did that completely melt my heart, but made me vow to myself to make a more conscious effort to connect with him each day. I love him with all my heart and just hope he grows up knowing that every day.

Wrong feet and all :)

My beautiful view 

This little guy was pretty jealous he couldn't join in

<3 this hug more than he will probably ever know

Another First!

Kanon's first haircut! :) now he doesn't look like Dwight Schrute anymore! 

Here is the transition...

Very "Dwight-esk" 

Now short and Handsome like his big brother!

Did that just happen??

Where has the time gone?? Can't believe this little big kid of mine is starting Preschool today! He is so beyond excited that I can't help but be excited to, but man it sure makes me wonder how we got here so fast. It seems like just yesterday I was bringing that big chunky bundle of joy home from the hospital! 

Love you lots today and every day Trey!