Tender Mercies from the Windows of Heaven

"I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord’s timing of his tender mercies helps us to both discern and acknowledge them." - David A. Bednar

Tonight my heart is full of gratitude to my Heavenly Father. In the past week I have seen his hand in my life in the smallest and simplest ways, but even though these may be small examples, they have strengthened my testimony immensely. I know without a shadow of a doubt that my Heavenly Father is watching over me and my family, He knows my life in detail, and he knows and understands every little thing that might keep me up at night with worry or stress. Once again, he has blessed me to recognize his tender mercies. I am forever indebted to Him for the amazing and very personal love I feel from Him each day. 

I have come to a conclusion... Blogging is hard. I sit at my computer and write what's in my heart. Then I erase, and rewrite, and fix, and edit, and read, and re-read just to make sure that I have said everything "politically correct" or to be sure not to offend anyone, or give anyone the wrong idea that I am trying to portray a perfect life... or complaining of a life with to many challenges... or any number of things that any number of people could feel after reading my posts. Then I worry about what people will think of me once I am done. To be honest I have written entire posts, just to delete in fear of someone actually reading it. Then on occasion, at times like this when I am feeling so strongly about something I brush all of that aside and just put my heart on this page. Then I cross my fingers that anyone reading this is able to see my true intent. I just want to remember these times in detail: The blessings, the challenges, and everything that life brings, so that I can look back and see exactly where I have come from and to give my children a piece of my heart to always remember in their future. I have been on the "reading" end of blogs and felt emotions anywhere from joy, sympathy, heartache, jealousy, or happiness from what I read and I only hope I am able to portray things the way they are... real. It's easy to post about the good things in life, and really difficult to post about the hard things. It's a vulnerable spot to be in, but I feel like these are the most important things that I wan't to share and document forever. Enough of my sidetracked train of thought :) Back to my reason for this post... Tender Mercies

1. Right now our budget is tight... And I'm talking "Tight like unto a dish" haha (Ether 2:17) we have been praying for work to pick up for Lloyd, or photography opportunities for me. Then I implemented a budget that we have stuck to the last month. This week I realized that our prayers are being answered differently than expected, but better than I could have hoped. We have learned to be smart with our finances again! We are being blessed with the determination to stick with our budget and we have been able to do more with less. I am amazed at the peace it has brought to our marriage. The balance in the bank may be smaller than a few months ago, but we are able to pay our bills and still have a little to spare. I realize how blessed we are to be able to say that. 

2. That being said, this week we had a few moments of worry between paychecks. As long as we were very careful with our budget we knew we would be fine, but that stress just seems to take a lot out of me when it's a constant worry for even as little as a week. The events of this week happened just so that we had a few Christmas parties and places where we had dinner provided. After our ward party Friday night we were helping clean up and there was leftover food. We were able to take home enough food to feed us for at least 3 or 4 meals! As I was walking to my car I just felt the spirit testify to me that the smallest of blessings... A plate of roast beef and a bag of rolls would allow me to leave next weeks "grocery budget" in the bank and calm my heart from the worry I had been feeling in the back of my mind. 

3. We want another baby... like yesterday ;) We had always planned to have another baby around Treyson's second birthday. We want our children to grow up close enough to be friends... easier said than done of course. It's been 8 months of trying, 2 miscarriages, lots of prayers, and unfortunately no physically possible way to get a baby here by that Birthday deadline. Every time that I feel myself starting to worry about the situation I get a feeling of complete peace in my heart. I know this blessing will come exactly on God's timetable and for now just having that peaceful feeling is enough for me.

I am just so blessed to have the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. It gives my life direction, meaning, and a perfect blueprint of how to TRY and raise my family. I am thankful for this season and the true meaning of Christmas. I know the true happiness of this time of year comes from giving to others, but today especially I am grateful for the tender mercies I have been given, and for the chance I have to share my thoughts!